Project 182

Wool E. Bull

noreply@blogger.com (dex.) — Sat, 23 Oct 2010 13:38:00 +0000

August 6, 2010: My zoom lens needs to be cleaned. It's two and a half years old and has developed an unfocused smear around the edges, a sweet kind of motion blur even when I'm standing still. Sometimes it makes me crazy, because all I want is a sharp, clear, sunlit shot; but then, sometimes, I don't take it to the camera store to have it cleaned because I like the effect, not quite a fisheye, not quite a regular lens, something unpredictable and unique.

By next baseball season I'll have replaced it with a bigger, heavier lens, one that auto-focuses and has a longer zoom range. It'll be better. But I'll miss that sweet tilt, just a little bit, because it never looked like anyone else's photos.

To Canoe Or Not To Canoe, That Is The Question

noreply@blogger.com (Michelle Collins) — Mon, 18 Oct 2010 12:26:00 +0000

August 04, 2010: I took Ben paddle boating while we were up north visiting my family this summer. Normally I try to get us out canoeing but it's tough because I don't like to go out on my own. And frankly speaking? Ben's about as useful as a third tit when it comes to paddling.

I'd like to think that when push comes to shove I'm a strong enough person to navigate a canoe on my own. But honestly, I'm not. I figured paddle boating would be easier. After all, aren't a woman's legs her strongest muscle group?

Let me just cut to the chase: I should have stuck to canoeing.

I'll Put You In The Washer If You Stay There

noreply@blogger.com (dex.) — Thu, 14 Oct 2010 10:11:00 +0000

August 3, 2010: Of all the places my cat sleeps -- under the bathroom sink, in K.'s backpacks -- my laundry basket is the newest but by far not the weirdest.

Time Crawls Backwards

noreply@blogger.com (Michelle Collins) — Mon, 11 Oct 2010 12:09:00 +0000

August 02, 2010: Every time I drive north to visit my parents, I pass this farm. I'm not sure what happened to it exactly because it's been like this for as long as I can remember.

Much of my drive is like this. Not so much the bit about buildings falling apart, although that's true too, but that things here haven't changed much.

In the city I can point to a dozen new landmarks that have sprung up in the 18 years that I've lived here. But in this place? It's like time crawls backwards.

Drive-Thru

noreply@blogger.com (dex.) — Sun, 10 Oct 2010 13:35:00 +0000

July 31, 2010: Ten minutes from our apartment, you hit country -- and ten minutes from that, you start to hit the smattering of small towns that dot Alamance County, tucked between Orange County and Guilford County and their "real cities". I know that Mebane has a downtown, I know that Graham is more than just a place to pass on the interstate, but we never seem to investigate them further than stopping at the Sonic on the way home from places further west.

The Colour Purple

noreply@blogger.com (Michelle Collins) — Sat, 09 Oct 2010 19:24:00 +0000

July 30, 2010:

Shug: More than anything God love admiration.

Celie: You saying God is vain?

Shug: No, not vain, just wanting to share a good thing. I think it pisses God off when you walk by the colour purple in a field and don't notice it.

Love Is A Mixtape

noreply@blogger.com (dex.) — Fri, 08 Oct 2010 22:33:00 +0000

July 28, 2010: I don't own a tape player anymore, but I do still have a tupperware container full of old mix tapes.

Junior Junior Panthers

noreply@blogger.com (Michelle Collins) — Wed, 06 Oct 2010 12:45:00 +0000

July 27, 2010: This is my friend Jenn's son.

There are a lot of things I really admire about Jenn. For one, she's focused on her career and she doesn't apologize for it. I think that's a trap that most women fall into. We all seem to strive for this illusive work/life balance and frankly, I'm doubtful that it even exists.

As women, we are our own worst enemy. When we're at the office, we beat ourselves up for not putting in enough time at home. At home, we're distracted by the things we have outstanding at work. I don't think men put the same pressure on themselves and society certainly doesn't judge them for it.

I can't speak for Jenn, but I can tell you that at the end of every day I generally feel like I'm finishing the race two steps short. I guess that's when you need to step back, look at the big picture and cut yourself some major slack.

Our kids are huge part of our lives, but they're not the centre of our universe. As women, we have wants and needs that go far beyond the reach of our homes and families. The way I see it, at the end of the day Ben is never going to get all my attention and why should he? After all, even the sun only shines on the planets half of the time.

Something Borrowed, Something Blue

noreply@blogger.com (dex.) — Sat, 02 Oct 2010 16:35:00 +0000

July 26, 2010: In the state of North Carolina, blue comes in only two shades: Carolina, and Duke. "Something blue" in our household is easy, from our multitude of plastic cups to the newspaper clippings on the kitchen wall to the baseball caps and t-shirts on the floor in our bedrooms and the ticket stubs on our desks. But this is the summary of, the heart and soul of the collective mindset of University of North Carolina sports fans, on the bumper of my next door neighbor's car: our school color is the color of the sky, and we take everything for granted from there.

Harvest

noreply@blogger.com (Michelle Collins) — Thu, 30 Sep 2010 01:27:00 +0000

July 25, 2010: When I was growing up, my family lived on a small has-been farm a few miles outside of town. There was a barn which housed a tractor that barely worked and a small chicken coup. We raised chickens, turkeys and a few cows. When I got older, my dad rented out our field to a neighbour who needed to pasture his horses. Outside of that, my mom had a large garden. This was the extent of our "farming."

Still, every summer there would be hay that needed bailing. I spent a lot of afternoons with my neighbours, helping to bale their hay.The boys would follow along behind the tractor, throwing bale after bale up onto the deck. We girls would drag them out of the way and stack them. It was hard, dirty work. It was also around the first time I started taking an interest in how boys looked with their shirts off.

I Don't Want To But I Will

noreply@blogger.com (dex.) — Mon, 27 Sep 2010 22:59:00 +0000

July 23, 2010: This isn't the photo I meant to take for you tonight. I meant to take one of someone wearing an Afro wig, something funny and kitschy. But I was standing outside a dive bar in downtown Raleigh, having just spent a couple of hours talking music and baseball with people who were virtual strangers when I arrived, and for once, I didn't think this is not my beautiful life, what's wrong here? I looked up at the skyline and I thought, this is my life, and how fucking awesome is that?

The Sun Stole My Shine

noreply@blogger.com (Michelle Collins) — Fri, 17 Sep 2010 18:09:00 +0000

July 23, 2010: Just outside of my town there is a large hill and on top of it is a radio tower. From the midway point of the hill you can see for miles - mostly farms surrounded a few thousand homes. I swear to god, you can't tell from this shot but I'm only 10 minutes outside of the city.

In The Greeting Card Aisle

noreply@blogger.com (dex.) — Tue, 14 Sep 2010 23:48:00 +0000

July 22, 2010: I always thought I might someday find God in the bathroom. I thought he'd know how to spell "y'all", though.

Heat It Up, Melt It Down (Yeasayer)

noreply@blogger.com (Michelle Collins) — Fri, 10 Sep 2010 13:39:00 +0000

July 20, 2010: When I was 17 my dad tried teaching me how to drive stick in an open hayfield. His old green pick up had a sticky clutch that I had a hard time reaching. Needless to say, it was disastrous. Eventually, in my late twenties, my then-husband and I bought a VW Jetta. It was our very first brand new car - a standard that we owned for five days before I actually learned to drive it. Honestly? I don't know if I'll ever own another automatic.

There's driving. And then there's driving.

Number 5 With A Bullet

noreply@blogger.com (dex.) — Thu, 09 Sep 2010 22:07:00 +0000

July 19, 2010: If I made a list of my top five favorite places to be in the NC, it would go: my bed; my couch; my parents' beach house; our third base line seats at Boshamer Stadium on the University of North Carolina campus.

And number five would be Section 119, Row A, Seats 1&2 in the Durham Bulls Athletic Park.

M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E

noreply@blogger.com (Michelle Collins) — Tue, 07 Sep 2010 15:27:00 +0000

July 17, 2010: My mom came down to visit me this weekend so we spent the day driving around the different vineyards near Niagara-on-the-lake. Neither of us knows jack about wine though, which is why it was funny to be surrounded by so many people swishing, swirling and sniffing their glasses. Apparently wine tasting is very serious business.

Afterwards we stopped at a few antique stores. I snapped this photo while my mom and I talked. It's funny because growing up I was always quick to point out how much I took after my father. I'm not sure why I was so eager to identify with him. In all the best possible ways, I am like my mother. I wonder if she has any idea how much I love her? It's doubtful. I don't think anyone fully comprehends how deeply we are loved.

We try to express it, and god knows Hallmark has gotten rich because of it. But real, quiet intimacy can't be scripted into a card. There is no font for that. And so at the end of the day, we only have what we share. Laughs over wine, getting caught in the rain, and oppressively hot antique shops.

Curiosity Kitten

noreply@blogger.com (dex.) — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 13:45:00 +0000

July 15, 2010: Doesn't have to mean you're on your own.

Shooting Counting Crows was such a disorienting, amazing experience. It was a piece of everything I've worked really hard for, and even now, when I'm feeling beaten down and frustrated, it's a high point. It's something to keep working for, I guess.

Lots For Sale

noreply@blogger.com (Michelle Collins) — Sun, 05 Sep 2010 16:29:00 +0000

July 15, 2010: Over the summer, I drove by this building site twice a day. It's hard not to look at new construction sites and think about the house we built over five years ago. We drove by it every few days, visiting it after work and walking around where they were laying the footings. We took photographs of the progress. We picked out counter tops, cabinets, and talked about what sort of finishes we wanted. We let Ben run around through the half finished living room and chased him around walls that were only studs.

I imagine the people who are building on these lots are no different. I wonder if their kids shriek just to hear their echo bouncing around big, empty rooms? I hope so. The weird thing is, I'm not sure I want any of that back.

Ginger & Ganesh

noreply@blogger.com (dex.) — Sat, 04 Sep 2010 15:06:00 +0000

July 12, 2010: It is really, really hard to get me out of the house on weeknights after work, especially if I can't have a nap between work and whatever it is. (Basically I think that everything is improved with a nap.) I'm old, I'm cranky, my job is satisfying but exhausting. Tonight K. and I drove back to, basically, my office, to have dinner with A., though, and it was nicely peaceful. The food was good, the conversation was low-key, and then I got to come home and take my pants off afterwards. Win-win.

Insect Porn

noreply@blogger.com (Michelle Collins) — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 13:49:00 +0000

July 11, 2010: Tonight I actually went out to shoot an old abandoned house near where I used to babysit. Instead I ended up dragging home a shot of insects having sex. The house is located on what used to be the fringe of the city. At one point, it was an old farm house that was surrounded by corn fields. The fields are now a subdivision and at some point I'm sure the builder will end up tearing the house down. In the mean time, the front lawn is overgrown with all sort of wild flowers; Black Eyed Susan, Queen Anne's Lace, and Purple Stemmed Aster (I had to google that last one). It makes for a pretty drive and also - as you can well see - a hot bed for insect coitus.

One On One

noreply@blogger.com (dex.) — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 23:51:00 +0000

July 10, 2010: There's an old basketball hoop out behind the Cat's Cradle, and if you ask anyone of a certain age who grew up in Chapel Hill or Carrboro, they'll tell you that they used to actually play out there, before shows, between sets. There's a quality of twilight that I've only ever found sitting out behind the Cradle on a summer evening, drinking beer from cans and waiting for the music to start, and everyone here seems to know it. It's one of our magic places, I guess.

Nikon

noreply@blogger.com (Michelle Collins) — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 13:17:00 +0000

July 09, 1010: For me, both writing and photography is hit and miss. Sometimes I feel like the words come easy, other times I fight with every letter. Photography is sort of the same; occasionally I really love some of the images I produce and other times I'm annoyed at how lazy my approach is. Spoiler Alert: I am very lazy. Tonight I was busy and uninspired so this is my, "Oh shit! I almost forgot!" photo.

Scott Pilgrim Is An Idiot

noreply@blogger.com (dex.) — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 09:44:00 +0000

July 8, 2010: I know extroverts who crave human contact when they leave work; they want people who are not coworkers to talk to. All I want to do is put on my headphones, listen to The Academy Is ..., and read graphic novels over a glass of wine.

Junior Panthers

noreply@blogger.com (Michelle Collins) — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 12:34:00 +0000

July 07, 2010: This is Jeff. He's focused on hockey 12 months of the year, but in the summer he also plays ball. Tonight he ran straight from hockey practice to the ball field. He plays for the Panthers, but long before that I knew him as a sunny-faced 13 month old with large, watchful blue eyes. Then, he was a mop-head who was into the Flintstones and (classic) Batman. In fact, Batman was arguably his first word. When he was small his brothers and I would hum the theme song and then pause so Jeff could shout, "Batman!"

Out of the three boys, Jeff was always the quietest, the sweetest. Ben shares Jeff's middle name. It was our small nod to the family who had always made me feel loved and welcome in their home. In hindsight, Jeff was the first to crawl into your lap for a snuggle and something about his demeanor now tells me not much has changed, although that's probably not something he wants the rest of his team to know.

(They won this game 13-8 and Jeff's fly ball hit a BMW.)

Myrtle Is An Old Lady Name

noreply@blogger.com (dex.) — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 22:10:00 +0000

July 6, 2010: The summer between 7th and 8th grade, we moved from the house I'd grown up in to a slightly larger house about a mile away; so close that I didn't even have to change schools. Though the space was nice, and my parents have done major renovations to make it beautiful, I still think that my mother wanted it because of the trees in the backyard; it had both a full-grown magnolia tree and a weathered, beaten-down crepe myrtle in the backyard. They're both desperately Southern plants, and Baltimore is about as far north as you can grow them. My parents' crepe myrtle has never fared as well as the ones down here do, but I always look at them with fondness. They bloom late in the spring and early in the summer, in all shades of pink, and I've always thought they were beautiful.